Pure love's sacrifice
by LianneZ4
Summary: Sometimes, the enemy can't be easily destroyed. Sometimes, the worst enemy of all… is ourselves. Just how far are two people willing to go for each other and for the love that binds them together? ROTS ending AU.
1. Chapter 1  Padmé

**Pure ****love's sacrifice**

_Summary:Sometimes, the enemy can't be easily destroyed. Sometimes, the worst enemy of all… is ourselves. Just how far are two people willing to go for each other and for the love that binds them together? ROTS ending AU._

_

* * *

_**Chapter One**_  
_

When Padmé Amidala sees the smoke rising from the Jedi Temple, she knows it is just a bad dream. It _has_ to be a nightmare.

Then Anakin returns. She feels terribly relieved, because he is alive and unharmed. However, the feeling of a living nightmare returns when he tells her of the Jedi betrayal. He has been spared, he says, because he has remained loyal to the Republic - and to her.

"What about Obi-Wan?" asks Padmé anxiously.

Anakin looks away.

"Ani?"

"Master Windu told me that Grievous killed him on Utapau," says Anakin at last. "The _Jedi_ wanted him out of the way, Padmé, that's why they sent him there alone. They knew he might have sided with me… with the Republic. They let him _die_."

Padmé takes a step back from the horrible fury and grief she feels in Anakin.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers. Obi-Wan was her great friend, but to Anakin, he was almost a father, and she can't comprehend how her husband must be feeling now.

Anakin looks at her, and in his face is a strange expression she can't quite understand. "Don't worry about it, my love. You _mustn't_ worry now, Padmé, it's not good for you and the baby. Take your day off, I'll deal with everything. It will be all right. "

"All right? How can this be all right?"

"_It will be all right_, Padmé. Now, the Chancellor has given me an important mission. I'm going to Mustafar to end this war…"

When he leaves, Padmé is worried about him. The Jedi betrayal and Obi-Wan's death are terrible blows to her; she can't even imagine what strain it must be for Anakin. She resolves to be strong for him and for their child.

.

A few hours later, when Palpatine pronounces himself the Emperor to the thunderous clapping and cheering of the Senate, she wonders. Have the Jedi foreseen this and acted to save the democracy, or has Palpatine just used the situation to his advantage? Either way, liberty dies that day in the Senate chamber and she is totally helpless. A part of Padmé dies with democracy.

She is desperate – she wants to _do_ something – but the memory of Anakin's insistence stops her. Everything is crumbling around them – but she leaves these thoughts in the Senate pod. She goes home. Instead of the Republic, she concentrates on the life growing inside her. She does a few breathing techniques her Ani once showed her and releases some of her tension.

Threepio helps, too. He makes her tea and provides a great distraction.

Padmé let herself become distracted, willing herself to listen to Threepio's babbling. _Later_, she promises to herself. Later, she will worry about the Republic. But now, she has the baby and her husband to take care of. It is one of the hardest decisions she has ever made; the hardest choice of her life. The proud Senator Amidala disappears; in her place is a young soon-to-be mother Padmé Skywalker, who for the first time ever has put her family in front of the good of the universe.

For Anakin and the baby.

.

The next day, Anakin returns. Padmé shivers when she notices the pain in his eyes. It seems like he has aged years over the past few days. He hugs her and holds her, desperately, possessively. He kisses her with a hunger that can't be satisfied and his eyes have a tingle of yellow. Padmé tries to satisfy his passion, to comfort him, but she feels that she's failing, falling into a deep hole…

She shivers.

"What happened, Ani?"

He releases his hold of her and Padmé realizes that talking to him now will do no good. Anakin is too far away. She won't be able to reach him.

"Nothing, love. Nothing happened. The Separatists have been taken care of."

"You captured them, then?"

There is something strange in her husband's look. "I followed the Chancellor's orders."

The Chancellor – right, she has to tell him!

"He has pronounced himself the Emperor. Anakin, Palpatine has destroyed the democracy, and they all applauded him! The Republic, everything we have fought for, is gone. The Empire is all that's left."

"Don't talk this way, Padmé! _We_ have our family, remember? We have each other and the baby. You won't die, I promise. We will be parents! Soon, we'll go to Naboo, just like you wanted, and then our daughter will be born there; the fairest girl born to the fairest mother on the most beautiful planet in the galaxy." As he so excitedly speaks of their family, some of the strain in Anakin's eyes disappears. He glows with happiness and pride, and Padmé fondly thinks that he looks very handsome this way. That is before her mind catches the meaning of his next words. "Just don't concern yourself with the Republic and politics, all right?"

She's shocked. "Anakin, I have _spent my life_ in politics!"

His smile diminishes in a flick. "Well, it had to stop sometime."

"Excuse me?"

"Take a break from it," he says – no, orders her not very gently.

"Anakin, Palpatine is insisting on arresting the traitors! Some of them have served the Republic faithfully for decades, some of them were my friends for years – "

"Well, then you shouldn't be friends with them anymore."

Padmé stares at her husband, like she has never seen him before. "Are you telling me to abandon my friends?" she asks incredulously.

"They could implicate you! You _must_ remain safe, Padmé. I won't let you or the baby die. The Empire isn't so bad, you'll see – "

"What? Oppression? Dictatorship? They destroyed the democracy – "

"The democracy didn't win us the war! It didn't save my mother and Obi-Wan, it wouldn't have saved you either! Padmé, the war will end. Tomorrow, I'll leave to deal with Griveous, and then there will be peace."

Padmé fights the urge to smack him, but collects herself. She straightens herself like a Queen and calmly asks: "And the prize, Anakin?"

He pales, but he doesn't answer. "You know I love you both, yes?" he asks suddenly.

She's moved with the exclamation. "Of course, why – "

"I love you. All I've done was for you, Padmé. _Everything_ for you. I love you," says Anakin fiercely and his eyes blaze with yellow; she's sure of it this time.

"Ani…?" whispers Padmé, feeling a little scared and unsure exactly why.

"Anything for you, Angel. I'd do anything."

He kisses her, and then he turns away and escapes from the room.

At night, Padmé finds Anakin on the balcony, staring into the Corruscant night. His hands lie on the edge. He seems far away. Padmé wants to come to him and hug him, but something stops her – she can't. She sees something glittering in his eyes, but she can't touch his cheeks to find if they are really tears.

'_Anakin, what have they done to you?'_

She wants to ask, but she can't, so she leaves, the unasked question hanging in the darkness of the night.

When she lies alone in the bed, she regrets being too much a coward to ask. She doesn't know yet than the next week or so, she will regret it even more than now.

.

Anakin leaves the next morning, after he makes her swear that she'll be careful.

Mostly out of habit, Padmé takes on the dress to hide her pregnancy (though it is really not important anymore – who cares if the whole galaxy knows about her child when the democracy is gone and the Jedi extinguished) and she makes her way to the Senate.

"Hello, Bail," she greets him in the corridor. She remembers her promise to Anakin, but Bail is her _friend_, and she will continue to "associate" with him as she wants.

"Padmé. I need to talk to you later," says Bail and looks at her meaningfully. She understands – they must not be overheard. She nods.

They will talk after the session.

.

"I can't believe you would lie to me like that," shouts Padmé and runs away from Bail's office. Bail calls back at her, so she runs, runs away as fast as she can, blinded by her tears.

_Lies, all lies…_

Her friend has lied to her! Bail has betrayed her!

_Or he could be telling the truth… there are signs…_

No, there aren't! There are absolutely no signs that this elaborate horror tale could be a truth.

_If it is…_

That would mean…

_If it is__ true…_

But it's not!

It has been lies. Bail has turned to be a liar. The alternative is just too horrible to comprehend.

Suddenly, Padmé gasps and touches her belly. The pain shoots through her – _'please, not now, not for another month'_ – and she leans against the wall, breathing heavily, giving out small cries of pain. She thinks of Anakin and her promise (why, oh why has she come to the Senate?), so she tries to breathe and relax. She silently pleads with the baby not to come yet, to wait…

"Milady!"

After a few minutes that feel like years, Padmé is calm and the pain has subsided. She notices that several people are staring at her, but she pays them no attention.

"Let's get you home, Milady."

"Thank you, Dormé," she says gratefully and lets Dormé lead her home, leaving the small whispering and gossiping crowd behind.

"_That's her, Amidala, from Naboo…"_

"_Who do you think knocked her up?"_

_.  
_

In her apartment, Dormé makes her a cup of tea. Then she makes her another one when Padmé's shaking hands break the first cup.

"Do you want me to leave, Milady?" asks Dormé quietly.

"No! Please, stay."

Dormé's usually kind face softens even more. "They had no right, Milady. You have done nothing wrong, it's them who should be ashamed."

Padmé is confused about Dormé's words before she comprehends that Dormé thinks her distress is caused by the comments of her fellow Senators and the building's staff.

"Well, I have kept my pregnancy a secret – "

"And it was completely within your rights, Milady," admonishes her Dormé softly. "Only the Queen has any right to call you on this secret, not those hypocrites who wouldn't recognize honour if you smacked them with it in their face."

"You really think so?"

"I do, Milady. … Would you like me to brush your hair, to help you get your mind of things?"

"Why not. Thank you, Dormé," says Padmé with a smile.

Dormé does as she promises and soon, Padmé feels herself calming down under the soft moves of her handmaiden and friend.

She really is thankful, and she feels a little better. Maybe this incident really bothered her, or maybe it is just the fact that she still has one loyal friend whom she can trust.

Bail lied to her. Or maybe, Padmé dares to hope, maybe he misunderstood Yoda. Yes, Padmé can believe that Palpatine is the Sith Lord, but the rest can't be true. Anakin wouldn't, not him, not her Ani. She _knows_ him, and this can't possibly be true.

Yes, Padmé decides, it's just a terrible misunderstanding. Yoda was mistaken. She won't even bother telling Anakin about this. She _won't_.

.

Anakin returns three days later and the Holonet celebrates his "easy victory". Padmé hugs him and Anakin smiles at her, but there is something cold in it. She, however, doesn't ask, and Anakin doesn't speak on his own. She doesn't tell him of the Senate incidents and he doesn't speak of Griveous's blades.

Instead, Padmé changes his bacta packs around the (thankfully) shallow wound at his side, and Anakin kisses her afterwards. They talk about nothing, then they have dinner, then Anakin goes to make some small adjustments on Artoo and Padmé reads through a few documents for the Senate.

But the hint of the coldness is still her, and when she lies in their bed next to her husband, Padmé hates herself for doubting him – and hates herself even more for not asking him the questions that should have been asked.

Despite the Jedi and the Republic being gone, Anakin and Padmé still don't have much time for each other. Padmé has been in the Senate session the whole morning, observing and trying to find the best way to fight the new order, while Anakin has spent the time most of the afternoon in Palpatine's quarters, a thought which gives Padmé chills. Still, they have another dinner together the day after Anakin's return from Utapau.

.

"I wish to publicly announce our marriage," says Anakin as he reaches for another portion of the food.

"Ani, we can't – "

"Why?" he asks coldly. "I'm no longer a Jedi. The Council can't separate us now. Don't you wish for our child to bear my name? Are you ashamed of me?"

"No, of course not!" retorts Padmé in shock. "But we have lived in secrecy for so long, if people find out now, there will be a scandal. I'll lose all the support in the Senate – "

"SENATE! That's all you care about, isn't it?"

"No! Anakin, you're the most important person in my life!"

"Liar."

Unlike Anakin's previous explosion, his current words are calm – and cold as ice. "You never really cared about me. It never mattered what I wanted. But you won't push me away anymore. You're my wife, so you will behave as one."

Padmé can't believe her eyes and ears.

"You – you're _ordering_ me to behave as your wife?"

"Don't make me force you, Padmé. Tomorrow, we will announce our marriage to the galaxy, and then we can rule it as a husband and wife. The people adore you, my love. Our daughter will be born into peace, wealth and safety, and others after her. Nobody would dare to stand in our way."

Padmé stares at the stranger who has stolen her husband. Bail's accusations ring in her ears. She blurts out the least of her concerns: "Can we tell my parents first?"

Anakin smiles warmly and strokes her hand. "Anything that makes you happy, love. D' you want to call them now?"

"No – no, it's too late on Naboo."

"Tomorrow then, right?"

Padmé nods, unable to speak.

"We have tomorrow for ourselves, Padmé. I don't have to leave during the nights anymore. We can have the whole nights, and days, and the rest of our lives, together."

Padmé knows there's something wrong in Anakin's voice. No, who is she trying to fool? There is everything wrong about him, not just his voice.

_Something is wrong with Anakin._

They finish the dinner, and the moment Padmé puts the dishes away, Anakin is next to her, kissing her and pulling at her clothes. She is taken aback, but then she responds to him and they end up in the bedroom in a matter of minutes.

.

Later, when they are both lying tiredly in the sheets, Anakin gently caresses Padmés face and neck and plays with her hair. And suddenly, Padmé feels safe and almost cries in relief, because she _knows_ this Anakin, the young, brash, caring young man she has fallen in love with. She knows him and loves his playfulness and his eagerness to please her, just like she loves his somewhat childish need to demand a kiss after a fight and his guilty expression whenever she finds him tinkering with Threepio even after promising her he'd leave him just like he was. She loves him – she loves Anakin – and knowing that, Padmé can forgive him the idiotic words from their dinner and behaving somewhat strange.

He makes her feel safe.

"You're my Angel," he whispers and kisses her hands. "Promise you'll never leave me."

Padmé smiles at him. "Ani…"

"Promise," he demands desperately and clutches her hands, driving his nails so deep into her palms that she instinctively jerks them away with a painful hiss.

One look at him, and all the feelings of safety are gone.

The next second, Anakin sits and grabs her hands, his face showing the expression of hurt, betrayal and anger. "Don't you _dare_ turn away from me! You belong to me! _Promise_!"

"Let go," cries Padmé angrily and tries to wrest away, but Anakin's hold is too firm.

Suddenly, he releases her and Padmé falls across the bed. She pulls her hands to her. She looks at him with something she has never felt to him before – fear.

Anakin grins evilly at her cringed form. "Serves you right. Now, _PROMISE!_"

Wordlessly, Padmé shakes her head no. She's in shock. This isn't happening, not to her, not from him. It's a mistake…

She gets up and almost falls out of the bed in rush to get as far from Anakin as possible. She staggers to the other side of the room, never taking her eyes from him until her back hits the large wardrobe there.

They stare at each other.

"You… you didn't… _why _did you do that, Anakin?" cries Padmé.

His smile is cruel. "You deserved that. Now come back."

Padmé doesn't move.

"_COME BACK!_" he roars and extends his hand hands towards her, and his eyes are blazing amber, his face and his voice are terribly twisted.

Padmé reacts automatically and envelopes her arms around her stomach in a protective gesture. She won't let this stranger hurt their son.

Anakin sees her movement and lowers his hand. However, when he speaks, his eyes are still yellow and his voice demanding. "You have nothing to fear, Padmé. Obey me, and I won't have a reason to hurt either of you." Slowly, he comes to her with a small, unnatural smile. "I love you, Padmé. You can't leave me. Think of our daughter, my love, would you want her to grow up without a parent?"

He puts his hand on her shivering shoulders and strokes her arms – gently, carefully – and after a moment of silence, he takes her hands into his as if they were the most delicate thing and slowly, lightly kisses the already forming bruises.

Padmé is frightened, angry, disgusted, pleased and sad. A thousand of emotions is running through her head. She knows one thing, though – Anakin is driving her insane.

Anakin kisses her wrists again and almost playfully pushes a lock of her hair away from her face. Then he touches her huge belly, the yellow in his eyes dying, and his face fills with a dreamy expression.

Padmé's anger wins.

She slaps his hands and takes a step away.

"Padmé…?" asks Anakin confusedly, innocently.

She takes a deep breath. "Have you murdered the Jedi?"

"What – "

"I need to know, Anakin. Have you murdered them? Have you," her voice breaks there, "have you killed the children?"

Anakin looks as frightened as she feels.

"Padmé, I – "

"Tell me the truth, Anakin. Have – you – murdered – the Jedi?"

There is confusion, and pain, and fear and shame –

He looks away.

Padmé's anger slowly leaves her. Surely, they were wrong, and now she has hurt Anakin. "Ani…?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry I asked, I don't know what – " Padmé stops herself and her eyes widen. "What did you say?"

Anakin looks back at her, his face hardened. "I said yes. Yes, I have destroyed the Jedi."

Padmé stares at him. Then the words catch up with her. Her heart breaks.

"Why, Anakin? _Why?_" she asks desperately.

"They were our enemies, Padmé. If they remained alive, they would have killed us. They let _Obi-Wan_ die!" Anakin speaks passionately, assured of his own truth. "Can't you see? They wanted to overthrow the Chancellor. Another civil war would have started, before the first one was really over. Countless people would have died again, because the Jedi were too closed-minded. Had their assassination attempt succeeded, the Republic would be in chaos."

"There is no Republic now!"

"Well, at least nobody's dying," says Anakin with a strange finality.

"And the Jedi?"

Anakin pauses. "The Jedi were rigid. They became a threat, so I dealt with them."

"_Anakin – "_

"I don't want to speak about the Jedi anymore."

Silence.

"Is Palpatine a Sith Lord?" asks Padmé wearily.

"Yes. He is my new Master, Padmé."

Silence.

"Right." Padmé turns on the lights and starts searching for a bag. "Right." She opens the shelves wide and starts throwing random things on the floor and into her bag.

Her _beloved_ Sith husband is watching her with a stunned expression. "Padmé?"

A few pieces of clothes, her comlink, the baby clothes, her ID…. she'll definitely need her ID…

"Padmé… Angel, what are you doing?"

"Leaving."

With shivering hands, Padmé picks up some of the fallen clothes, puts on a random shirt and some trousers…

"L – leaving?"

"Yes," she says curtly and zips the bag closed. Socks and shoes… Where are her shoes….

"You can't leave me!" roars Anakin in anger.

"Can't I?"

"I won't let you," hisses Anakin venomously.

"Oh? And what will you do? Kill me, perhaps, or the baby?"

"I would _NEVER_ harm the baby!" denies Anakin forcefully. A glass at the night table breaks.

"Really? Like you never harmed the younglings, perhaps?"

She's no longer even pretending to be calm. She's crying openly, and the world around her is becoming fuzzy. Her brain is trying to remember the important things she will need, but they are the least important things to her heart.

'_How COULD he? Bail, I'm so sorry… '_

A coat, so she won't be cold outside… and where are the shoes, anyway?

Anakin is holding them and blocking the door.

"P – Padmé, wait…"

"Give it there."

"Please…"

"Get out of my way!" shouts Padmé, jerks the shoes out of his hands and shoves him aside.

Has she everything? The baby's clothes, his blanket – she can always buy him a new one if she left it there…

"You can't leave! This is our home! It's your flat, Padmé," tries Anakin desperately.

"You can have it," she retorts as she picks up a photo of her parents.

"But – "

"Stop it Stop it!" she shrieks when her patience finally leaves her. "Just… just let me go, Anakin. Let _us_ go."

They stand opposite to each other. The bedroom is a mess. They are an even worse one.

Silence.

"I didn't kill any children, Padmé."

"I don't believe you."

"I didn't kill children!"

"Don't lie to me!" shouts Padmé angrily. "Lies, half – truths…" She chokes a sob. "We have become spectacular liars, haven't we, Anakin? How could I have been so _stupid_!" She puts the coat over her shoulders.

"I LOVE YOU, PADMÉ!" roars Anakin.

She halts. "Do you? I don't know anymore," whispers Padmé truthfully.

Anakin grabs her shoulders again – gently, this time. "I do. I… I _do_ love you. You're my whole world, Padmé," he says intensely.

"Then tell me the truth."

"I… I…"

Padmé waits.

Anakin starts to pace and murmur to himself. "There were no children, you see? All of them were Jedi. They carried lightsabers, so they weren't children anymore. I took care of a _problem_."

"A-Anakin…"

He stops pacing and embraces her. "Don't you understand? It was the right thing to do!"

Padmé turns away blindly in tears. "No. No!"

"Padmé! Are you hurt?"

She wails and screams. Anakin is next to her, whispering soothing words and holding her. She cries, and she almost wishes she had never asked. Her world is in ashes. She is falling, falling somewhere deep and dark, and the only thing holding her is the person who pushed her here, the person who shattered her every dream and belief.

She is crying on the shoulder of a monster.

"Don't cry, Angel, please, don't cry," says Anakin over and over again. Padmé hates him – she hates him so much – but she needs him, because at this point, there is nobody else here.

At some point, she truly can't cry anymore. He dries her tears away gently with a handkerchief.

"Do you feel better now?" asks Anakin gently – too gently, too lovingly.

Padmé can't take that. Knowing that they died – she can't accept his love. "How could you?"

"Angel…"

"They were _children_! Maybe even babies… like ours! Don't you see it's _wrong_? Do you feel no remorse?"

For maybe a minute, he's staring at their joined hands in silence.

"I see their eyes," says Anakin like in a dream. "I hear their pleas, the screams. There was a boy, who tried to protect a younger girl… He would have been a brilliant Jedi… brave, talented, selfless, compassionate…" Anakin swallows. "I saw his eyes. There was no hate, only sadness and pity. Why didn't he hate me? How could he be so bright, and innocent? The pity made me angry. I can feel him, the fabric of his clothes as I pushed his body away… _Why_ didn't he hate me, Padmé?" asks Anakin desperately – like a child. A small child who has broken something precious and now asks his mother to fix it somehow.

Padmé feels sick. It takes her a while before she can speak. "They _pleaded_ with you and you killed them?"

"No," blinks Anakin. "Just in my dreams… I did the right thing, Padmé, right? It … it had to be done…"

"_Why_ did it have to be done?" She asks, because truly, she needs to understand. When did she miss this all?

Anakin is shivering and his breathing becomes shallow. "My Master said… have no mercy… they wouldn't have been merciful either. They would have _killed_ me and taken our child… you would have died! They let Obi-Wan die – another civil war would have started. I _prevented_ a bloodshed. It was the right thing to do."

"Why?"

"It had to be the right thing to do," exclaims Anakin forcefully, and Padmé suddenly realizes that he's in denial and not quite right in his mind. He needs a psychiatrist – or a Jedi Healer – but she is neither. This is not her battle to fight.

She still needs answers.

"Why, Anakin? What made you listen to Palpatine? Why have you become a Sith?"

Because Padmé wonders. Has she misread her husband so badly over the years? Was it for power? Has the war driven him mad? Were his mental scars for slavery deeper than any of them realized?

Anakin turns to her, and shines with a sunny smile. "I've told you, remember? He promised me to save you from my dreams. _You won't die_, Padmé. I did it for you. For you, my love. For our family."

"For – for me?"

"Yes. I love you. The Dark side will give me enough power to protect our family and you. I won't lose you, not like mum or Obi-Wan. _I love you._"

And that's it.

The shock, the anger and revulsion will come later, Padmé is sure of it. But now, she is just numb. Yes, she completely missed that.

Padmé realizes that this Anakin is somebody she doesn't understand. Or maybe she does – and that's the scariest thing about it. She can see the things that shaped him. She can even understand how she helped this destruction of the galaxy, but the fact that she understands doesn't mean she can just _accept_ this.

"I have to go," says Padmé hoarsely.

"Don't."

It's not an order, not even a demand. It's more like a … wish.

Padmé shakes her head. "I still love you, Anakin. I don't think I'll ever stop… but I can't be with you anymore."

"But why, Padmé? I love you."

"I know. And I am going," repeats Padmé and picks up her things.

She doesn't answer him this time. She steps away from him and looks around again. This has been their home for three years. It is all going to end right now.

She notices the jappor snippet at the night table and hesitates for a second before she picks it up and puts it around her neck. She is ready now.

Anakin is standing in the door, blocking the way out.

He is stronger than her and Padmé knows that she won't get through him by physical force. She doesn't know what to do.

They stare at each other.

"Anakin…"

"I could never make you happy," says Anakin suddenly.

"What? Anakin, that's not true – "

"No more lies, remember, Padmé?" says Anakin quietly with a painful smile. "I wanted too much – you couldn't even tell your parents about us before. You had to lie to your friends, hide and pretend – you never complained, but it pained you."

"It hurt you too," whispers Padmé. "You wanted to reveal our marriage, but I told you not to."

"I wanted the hiding to end. I wanted for you to be happy, Padmé. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," says Padmé softly. "Don't be sorry for what we have had. The years since I have married you have been the happiest of my live, even with the war and you on missions, because I always knew you would return to me. And even now, I can't regret the moments we had together. I just can't do it."

"Then why do you leave? Why, Padmé?" asks Anakin and his voice is laced with sadness and anger.

"Just let us go," says Padmé again.

"No."

"Anakin."

"NO!"

His eyes change again, and he extends his hand – and she flies through the air, before she hits the wall and falls.

"PADMÉ!"

She feels dizzy, and her head and arm are in pain – her head has hit the wall, and she fell on her arm as she slid down to the ground. Anakin is next to her and she shies away from him, but his eyes are blue again and face is filled with remorse and fear.

"Padmé, are you all right? What hurts?"

"Head… and arm…"

Gently, Anakin takes down her coat and examines both her head and the arm. After a while, he tells her that nothing seems broken. He carries her back to the bed and walks away to return in a minute with some ice.

He puts the ice into a thin piece of cloth and applies it directly to the painful spot on her head. She jerkily takes the cloth from him, not wanting more contact with Anakin right now than necessary, and he takes a step away. He brings a chair from the corner to sit on and just watches her.

In about half an hour, most of the pain is gone, thought she still doesn't feel quite herself. She looks at her husband.

"Why, Padmé?" asks Anakin.

She chokes a crazy laugh. "Why. You ask why."

"Yes, why? What is so bad about me? I told you, it was all for you. Don't you remember?"

He stands up and starts to recite.

"'_When you're hungry, I'll share my food with you._

_When you're cold, I'll give you my blanket._

_When you're sad, I'll share your pain and make you laugh again._

_I'll cherish you, I'll protect you, I'll respect you and I'll adore you for the rest of our lives._

_Whatever comes, I will always trust you. I will always be there for you and I will never forget our friendship or our love. _

_To you, my beloved, so I swear.'_"

She shivers as she remembers the moment by the lakes of Naboo. His marital wow.

Anakin sits down. "What have I done that broke it in such a way you feel the need to leave me? I joined Palpatine for you. I _needed_ the power to protect you, as is my responsibility."

Padmé shakes her head. "Why do you think I married you, Anakin?"

Anakin frowns. "You loved me – "

"_EXACTLY!_ I didn't care about your _power_ at all! I don't want a bodyguard – I need a friend, someone to listen, and a father for my child!" The tears entered her eyes again. "I didn't care about your power, Anakin. I wanted you. Only you. And you have taken yourself from me."

"Padmé – "

"You ask me how have you broken your oath? You have broken it every way possible! How do you respect me if you don't care about my wishes at all! I wouldn't have wanted you to became a Sith for me. You can't make me laugh; you just bring me more pain. You don't cherish me, you have injured me twice today. You obviously don't trust that I can take care of myself."

"But worst of all, Anakin, you have forgotten our friendship and our love. When you lied to me, when you _killed_ for me, you have effectively spat on that in the worst way possible."

Anakin watches her like she burned him.

"I… I didn't want that…"

"But that's what you have done," says Padmé softly and gets up from the bed.

"Will you let me go, now?" she asks gently.

"I don't know if I can," admits Anakin quietly, insecurely. "Is that… is that truly what you desire? Will you be happy?"

'_Yes,'_ wants Padmé to say. But she can't lie to him now.

"I will try my best," she says instead.

"Right," says Anakin weakly.

They watch each other in silence.

"Let me kiss you, and the baby. One last time," asks Anakin suddenly.

Padmé doesn't know what he means, but she shares the soft kiss with him and then lets him touch her enormous stomach.

Anakin kisses it and murmurs: "Goodbye, daughter." When he faces Padmé again, she is astonished to find there are tears in his eyes.

"I'll call Dormé to come for you," he says. "You shouldn't be alone after that hit to your head."

"Thank you."

"Just… just promise me to be safe, all right? And protect the baby. Sidious will want her."

"Sidious?"

"That's Palpatine's Sith name. Vader's mine. Run away from Corruscant. Hide. Don't hesitate. _Be safe._"

Padmé touch his face once more.

"You could come with me," she says suddenly. "We would find someone to help you with your… anger issues. It doesn't have to be like that, Ani…"

Anakin closes his eyes. "Don't. Don't tempt me. This is – hard enough. I – have – to – go… before I can't…"

He walks away from the room without looking at her. She hears him through the half-closed door as he speaks to his comlink. Then she hears the remote closing of another door as Anakin leaves the apartment.

She waits.

.

Fifteen minutes later, the apartment door opens again. Padmé's heart skips a beat. Is it Anakin, coming back to stop her now…?

Then the door to her room opens and she looks up.

"Hello, Milady."

It all seems too surreal.

.

Later, Padmé is sitting next to Dormé in the speeder. But she can't believe it.

Later, Dormé gives her her own bed in her apartment, while she plans with Bail Organa and others how to get Padmé quietly and safely from the planet. But she can't believe it.

Later, she is in the ship to Alderaan, as Naboo has been decided too dangerous for her now. Her parents will be told that she is safe, but no more details. She still can't believe it.

Only when she gives birth to her twins, her two beautiful babies (they were both right, she thinks, about the girl and the boy), only when she holds them, safe and healthy, she dares to think about him.

Because whatever Bail says, Anakin is not lost. The man she loved is still alive. The man she loved can still be saved.

Anakin has let her go.

And Padmé will be damned if she gives up on her husband.


	2. Chapter 2  Anakin

**Chapter 2  
**

Vader allows himself to relax when he closes the door of his apartment. He shrugs of the mask of blankness and slumps downs the chair by the kitchen table. Despite the nice temperature of the flat, his whole body shivers.

It has been close today, too close. He has managed to help a young Padawan get off the planet. The girl was injured during the fight in the Temple, somehow sneaked out later when she woke up surrounded by the dead bodies of her friends and hid in the Corruscant low levels. Anakin got to her mere minutes before the Jedi hunters. He was incredibly lucky, as the girl hadn't seen him in the Temple during the massacre and decided to trust him. He still has a few contacts; with some luck, she will now be somewhere in the Middle Rim, seeking another transport to the far corners of the galaxy.

Luck. The Jedi didn't believe in luck; however, it is something Anakin now prays for every day. Every minute, Sidious is becoming more suspicious. Vader has to do his job – scare the vocal opponents, look for the surviving Jedi, train under his Master in the Dark side… It is a terrible, dangerous game he plays, trying to save whatever he can from the remains of democracy, while appearing to be the Sidius's perfect tool. He doesn't know who he is anymore – Vader, Anakin – sometimes, his anger and hate aren't pretended, and he becomes the monster once again. Every time he sees his cold expression and the yellow eyes in a mirror, he prays to the Force, prays for luck and wished to every entity in the universe that this is just a mask – that his real face, his heart is hidden. As Sidius tortures him with the Sith Lightning and he screams the words of hatred, he tells himself it's just pretend – that his hatred isn't real. He has to believe it, or he will go mad.

Here, at home, live the remnants of Padmé's spirit. Just seeing many of their things arranged the way she liked it is like a flower for the desert of his heart. Sometimes, he almost sees her with their child – sometimes he even speaks with her. At home, he is always Anakin – sad, worn out lonely man with _extreme_ control problems – but despite his crimes, despite the betrayal, here, he remembers to appreciate the Live, the things that grow and the value of love and friendship. At home, he still hasn't forgotten.

Yet.

He hasn't forgotten yet.

Every day, it's harder to relax, to shrug of the mask. Every day, it's harder and harder not to hate Padmé for leaving him. Sometimes, he spends long hours staring at nothing and repeats to himself that he _told_ her to go. That she did what he wanted. That he shouldn't blame her for abandoning him, that they have done the right thing. The baby – he thinks of their child, and forces himself to be grateful that the child is not with him. His daughter (or son, if Padmé has been right after all) deserves happiness and safety. He _knows_ that he is unable to provide these things right now. He might never be.

Anakin puts his elbows on the table and hide his face in his hands in frustration. It's his fault – this whole ugly situation is his fault – yet he wishes it was different. He wishes he could trust his abilities, trust himself, to destroy Sidious – but he isn't ready. He knows that if he attacked his Master today, he would die, or worse – fall again, and this time, there wouldn't be anyone to pull him out of his madness. He also fears (and this fear is eating him every second of his being) that Padmé's actions have only temporarily postponed the inevitable, and that in a few months or years, he will forget again. Even in his home it's sometimes hard to remember why his fight is worth it – and it is, Anakin _knows_ that it is – and why he can't just… give up.

Only half-consciously, Anakin clears his mind and starts meditating.

Everyday, Anakin and Vader fight the battle for his soul. Padmé has unknowingly performed a miracle and pulled enough of Anakin back to give him a chance. Anakin doesn't know if he can ever win, but he owes it to Padmé and Obi-Wan, to his mother and Qui-Gon, he owes is to every person he killed – he has to try. His anger isn't important next to Padmé's smile, his hatred isn't relevant to the chance to see his child, power over millions is worthless compared to the power of friendship, love and freedom. He _can't_ fall and destroy any other lives and homes. Even if he can't have a peaceful home anymore, others can, and he will do everything in his powers to ensure that they have it.

He goes deeper and deeper into the Force. It is hard to let go, to relinquish control and let the Force flow through him. He struggles with it all the time; given their upbringing, control is something Anakin and Vader value high. Sometimes, when he lets go, he thinks he can hear Obi-Wan or Padmé speaking to him. Those times he immediately snatches after their voice, only to lose his calmness and wander to the shadowy areas of the Force. Then he has to open his eyes, take a few deep breaths and start again.

But it doesn't happen today. Today, Anakin keeps his calm and lets the Force guide him, sooth his anxieties and wash his anger away. He lets the Force encompass him, fill him with light and hope. Suddenly, his heart jumps with joy – he can feel Padmé again. Just barely, he stops himself from reaching for her and lets the Force guide him to her, gently, slowly…

"_Hello."_

This time, her voice is much clearer, much louder than before. He can almost see her, before his concentration breaks and he pulls to her, only to lose her and the harmony of the Force. Knowing better that to start again in anger at his failure, he opens his eyes and take a few deep breaths to ready himself for another attempt –

- and he feels a hand at his shoulder.

"Anakin?"

He turns around in disbelief. "Padmé?"

They stare at each other. "I … I couldn't stop thinking – I had to come…"

"Is that you, Padmé?"

She looks at him for a few seconds before she gives him a crushing hug. "I missed you…"

"Padmé, what are you doing here? They could have seen you! Palpatine has put a price on your head! It's too dangerous - " he falters when he notices her figure. It has been three months, of course she can't be pregnant anymore. He wants to ask – but no. Sidius is too close to him. This time he _won't_ be selfish, even if it tears him apart.

Padmé notices his gaze, though. She smiles; her happiness is beaming from her in waves. "They are twins, Ani. We have two beautiful children, a boy and a girl – we have both been right, remember?"

A son _and_ a daughter! His heart fills with joy, before he remembers –

"You shouldn't have told me that, Padmé. I can't know – don't tell me anything else. Please. I – I can't know…"

"They are your children, Anakin."

She is hurt. That's the last thing he wanted – but can't she understand? What if he fails? What if, one day, he decides to find them and train them as Siths? He shouldn't even know they live!

He doesn't realize he spoke the last thing aloud before Padme asks him incredulously: "What do you mean by that?"

"Padmé, it's not safe… "

"Should I have lied to you, then? Should I have told you that they died?"

_Yes_, he wants to say desperately – but he can't. Force, he can't. Two children – twins – his little girl and boy…

"I thought we were past lying to each other," says Padmé. She is right – why is she always right? – they can't be dishonest with each other again, if their family should ever work. Family… he wonders if the twins look like him or her… Maybe they have his eyes; he hopes his daughter doesn't suffer from the curse of his hair… maybe she would look a bit like his mother, too… and his son…

"No," he says hoarsely. "I'm glad that I know. Just don't tell me any details, their names or how they look like."

She is displeased, it's clear, but she accepts his reasoning. "How are you, then?"

"I'm fine," he sees her piercing look, "well, as well as could be expected. And you?"

"Oh, I'm fine, too."

She looks older than last time, and tired. She is most certainly _not_ fine. For a moment, he panics – maybe something was wrong with the birth, maybe she is ill and dying, his nightmare finally coming true – but then he forces himself to calm down, trusting her to tell him what he needs to know.

He is trying to do the right thing now.

"Why are you here, Padmé? You can't stay here."

She has the most resolute expression when she speaks, and he understands she is deadly serious about what she wants to say.

"I came for you, Anakin. I came to bring you back."

_What?_ – Anakin wants to ask. He doesn't understand. Then it hits him.

Padmé is explaining in many words, but he only gives half an ear to it. His brain is trying hard to catch up.

She came back for him. She knew what he did – she came back to him. She still loves him, too much perhaps. She wants them to be a family. She trusts him not to hurt her. She – what did she say now? – she wants him to heal, and one day, she wants more children from him. She came back. She loves him.

He hates to crush her hopes. "Padmé, there's blood at my hands. I can't be that man for you. Not now, maybe never. I wish," he struggles with the words, "I wish you could find someone to be happy with. I – I can't…"

Anakin turns away from her, trembling all over. This is the best thing that ever happened to him, even better than being freed or her marrying him, but he can't possibly accept.

"'_When you're in pain, I will soothe your tears._

_When you're confused, I will help you find the light._

_When you're happy, I will share the happiness with you._

_I'll cherish you, I'll be faithful to you, I'll respect you and I'll love you for the rest of our lives._

_Whatever comes, I will always believe in you, I will forgive you and I will never forget our friendship or our love. _

_To you, my beloved, so I swear.'_"

"I remember the priest then thought our wows were a bid morbid," says Padmé in a conversational tone. "Of course, he didn't understand that we wrote them after your mother died and after Geonosis. I was tempted to agree with him, later, but I know I wouldn't change a word in the wording."

"No…" whispers Anakin. Oh, he remembers how months ago, he did the same to Padmé. He had used his wows as a weapon against her, just like he had tried to apply for her senses as a mother with his blackmail. But he has to do the right thing now.

"Ani…"

"_I can't!_" _Why_ does the universe torture him?

"I've sent our children away. They're gone. My _babies_ are gone with good people to look after them, so that I could come here. I gave you my word, Anakin. I will be there for you as long as you want me to be. I have a ship; I have contacted some friends who might be able to help with your… problems." She checks her watch. "If you are to leave with me, we need to go in an hour."

"Padmé, I'm needed there… Sidious – "

"You really serve that monster then," she states coldly.

"No! He needs to be destroyed!"

"And who will take his place, you?"

"NO! I don't care about his position. He is a threat to everything good in this galaxy. I would challenge him today if I thought was ready, so I could win and not fall. Sidious is a danger to you – you and our family are important to me, not him."

"When will you be ready?" asks Padmé calmly. "Do you necessarily need to stay here for that?"

"I…"

No. Anakin doesn't need to stay here to prepare, in fact, anywhere would be better than here, but he can't tell her that.

"Do you?"

He can't lie to her. "No, it's not necessary… but I won't let you put yourself in danger with me, Padmé. You know I'm a murderer and a traitor. I've hurt you before… not again."

"Have you heard nothing I've said?" asks Padmé. She's strong and determined, every inch the proud Queen she once was. "The Empire is already after me and I don't fear you, at least not enough not to try again. I have sent our children away to safety. I have prepared for everything. _I have made my choice_, you can't do that for me. It's up to you now, Anakin."

She puts the jappor snippet on the kitchen table and leaves to the bathroom, but really to give him time to decide.

Can he leave? He wants to believe her… he realizes that this life next to Sidius is a madness, but can he leave? She loves him and trusts him; does he dare to hope that one day, he will find his peace; that he will be able to redeem for his crimes and make a difference?

Does he dare listen to her and risk her safety?

Because Anakin still shivers when he remembers how close had he come to seriously hurting her the night she left… several times. He remembers the rage and betrayal, the need for revenge_, the lust to make her hurt like him, because she dared to abandon him and laugh about it in his face…_

No.

She didn't laugh. Whatever happened that night, Anakin is most certain that Padmé didn't laugh.

The wave of hatred leaves just as quickly as it has come.

Dares he risk his wife's safety? Dares he risk that he might hurt her again?

But he can't make her choices for her, Padmé is right in that. And right then, Anakin realizes that if he truly loves her, he has to trust her, at least in this. And if he trusts her, then there is no choice at all.

"All right," he says softly when Padmé returns to the kitchen. He kisses her and puts the jappor necklace back to her hands. Then he picks up the bag with his things. Padmé pulls a hood over her face. After a short hesitation, Anakin does the same.

"I love you."

"And I love you."

Another kiss later, they leave his apartment.

Together.

* * *

**Author's note: Big thank you goes to Rainsaber, who beta-read the ****whole story.**


End file.
